A gentle healing reflection for the woman carrying bitterness, trauma, and deep hurt
There are wounds that don’t fade with time.
Wounds that harden into bitterness because they were never acknowledged, never protected, never held with care.
If you are struggling to forgive, you are not failing.
You are human—and you are hurting.
Forgiveness is often preached as a command, but rarely honoured as a process. And for women who have endured betrayal, abandonment, emotional abuse, or trauma, forgiveness can feel like a cruel expectation placed on an already wounded heart.
God sees that.
“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18
Bitterness Is Not the Enemy — It’s a Signal
Bitterness doesn’t appear out of nowhere.
It grows where pain was ignored. Where injustice went unanswered. Where your voice was silenced.
Bitterness says: Something mattered, and it hurt deeply.
You are not wrong for feeling it. But carrying it for too long can quietly imprison you—keeping your heart tied to the very pain you long to escape.
Scripture does not shame bitterness; it warns us about what happens if it takes root.
“See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
— Hebrews 12:15
Notice: it says root. Roots grow underground—unseen, unattended—until they begin to affect everything.
Healing begins not by forcing forgiveness, but by tending to the root.
Trauma Changes the Way Forgiveness Feels
For women with trauma, forgiveness is not just emotional—it’s neurological and spiritual.
Your body remembers what your mouth may try to release.
Your nervous system learned survival before your soul learned safety.
God understands this too.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
— Psalm 147:3
Binding wounds takes time. Care. Gentleness. No rushing.
You do not owe anyone forgiveness before your heart has been tended by truth and safety.
Forgiveness Is Not Excusing Harm
This matters deeply.
Forgiveness does not mean:
-
Minimising what happened
-
Reconciling with unsafe people
-
Forgetting the harm
-
Allowing continued access to your heart
Jesus never asked people to pretend wounds didn’t exist. He showed His scars after resurrection.
Forgiveness is not saying “it didn’t hurt.”
It is saying “this hurt no longer gets to own me.”
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.”
— Genesis 50:20
That sentence only came after years of pain, separation, and process.
When You Can’t Forgive Yet — Pray This Instead
God is not offended by honesty. He invites it.
If forgiveness feels unreachable, start here:
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
— *Psalm 139:23